Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Birthdays are good for you. Those who are good at math, and those who aren’t.”, 68. If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator? A Diamond is Forever. “What starts with ‘P’ and ends with ‘ORN’? Because no great story started with someone eating a salad. Because they don’t have to go to fucking work.”, 8. “Stay single until someone actually compliments your life in a way that makes it better not to be single. “A cop pulled me over and said “Papers…” I said “Scissors, I win!” and drove off.”, 57. “My friend thinks he s smart. Children in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children! You’ll discover the funniest lines ever on friends, family, love, women, men, fun (with great images). 56 Short Inspirational Quotes And Short Inspirational Sayings, 144 Happy Birthday Wishes And Happy Birthday Funny Sayings, 38 Cute Life Quotes That Will Instantly Make You Smile, 56 Good Morning Inspirational Quotes With Beautiful Images, 60 Really Cute Good Morning Quotes for Her & Morning Love Messages, 44 Motivational Inspirational Quotes About Life & Success, Copyright © 2018 - 2020 Image May Be Subject to Copyright to Respectful Owners. You’re glitter glue.”, 4. “Life is full of disappointments and I just added you to the list.”, 12. “Saying to your friends, “If we get caught, here’s the story…””, 20. “I don’t understand why people have to ‘get ready’ for bed… I’m always ready for bed!”, 33. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done. 2. “My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of god women, eat a salad.”, 19. If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet? “You call them swear words. When you're right, no one remembers. Save the planet, we have nowhere else to go! “To me ‘drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it.”. “Sometimes I get road rage walking behind people in the grocery store.”, 73. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.”, 15. ”, 2. “Who the fuck took my… Oh, here it is…”, 50. Funniest saying. Dear math, I’m not a therapist, solve your own problems. Below are the 77 Funny Slogans & Sayings. “Somewhere, somebody out there is thinking of you and the tremendous impact you’ve made on their life. “I tried to embrace my inner child today and the little asshole bit me”, 7. I'm not clumsy, The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies and the walls get in my way. 3. 11. I got half way to work before I realized I forgot my car.”, 30. When you're wrong, no one forgets. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. Vote for “Name”. “Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off”, 70. I love being married. I’d like to help you out today. I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed. “If I send you my ugly selfies, our friendship is real.”, 29. looking for the best short funny pictures quotes and images Sayings about life, friends, love & family with Images. Some of the most popular of these taglines have seen mocked up versions preformed on their catch phrases such as, “Got Milk?”. “When you’re at the checkout line and they ask you if you found everything, say, “Why, are you hiding stuff?””, 14. “I’m a pretty nice person, but I also realize that if there were and asshole championship, I would place respectfully in my weight division.”, 26. “I never dreamed I’d grow up to be an asshole but here I am killin’it”, 74. “Life is full of disappointments and I just added you to the list.”. Inspirational funny quotes from movies for Facebook & Tumblr. Just kidding, fuck off idiots.”, 36. I’m not afraid to die. He said onions are the only food that makes you cry. “When you clean the kitchen and ten minutes later the sink is full of dishes”, 32. A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. UMM, in a cake.”, 5. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. “Me: I’m going to bed early tonight. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”, 17. 14. Don’t drink while driving – you might spill the beer. Enjoy Life Quotes. If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer... A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day. My life is very complicated drinking game. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain. 10. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of bank payments. Funny Slogans for Campaign. “It was an emotional wedding. “The most dangerous animal in the world… Is a smiling woman sitting in silence”, 60. “I didn’t sleep well last night so I made my coffee this morning with red bull instead of water. “To me ‘drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it.”, 9. “I am sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! 12th of 60 Funny Motivational Quotes “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.” – Unknown . It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again. Life is a bitch so learn how to fuck it. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep! 3 out of 2 people have trouble with fractions. Alcohol doesn't solve any problem, but neither does milk. “Tough situations build strong people.”, 41. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. “If girls always treated each other like we do when we’re drunk in the girl’s bathroom then the world would be a much happier place.”. “Do you know why birds sing in the mornings? The long answer is oh fuck no.”, 22. Bringing out the best in each other!